Reflections on 2005

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Moved out of state, lived in a dorm, got a safety playing flag football...
Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I almost kept it--my resolution was to read thru the Bible and I made it to 2 Peter. Almost there! This year I resolve to procrastinate less.
Did anyone close to you give birth? No
Did anyone close to you die? Myself..."unless a kernel of wheat falls into the ground and dies"
What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? A better prayer life
What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I guess something to do with going to college--either the day I left for CA or the day I moved in at Master's
What was your biggest achievement of the year? I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it is that I achieved...it's very hard to put it into words
What was your biggest failure? Let's just say I screwed up a lot, but I have been forgiven and that's what matters!
Did you suffer illness or injury? Yup...I have a knack for getting myself so stressed out that I get sick...
What was the best thing you bought? My super cool leather journal from Barnes and Noble
Whose behavior merited celebration? Hmm...I think this is my least favorite question on this annual survey because it's hard to choose...or something...
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My own
Where did most of your money go? Paying for college
What did you get really, really, really excited about? Ministry
What song will always remind you of 2005? "Out of My League" by Stephen Speaks...because I listened to it a lot!
What do you wish you'd done more of? Crying over my sin and God's grace and the incredible needs in the world
What do you wish you'd done less of? Living for my self
Did you fall in love in 2005? Like last year, deeper every day (with my savior...don't freak out peoples!)
What was the best book you read? This awesome love letter from my Lord and Savior...
What was your greatest musical discovery?/new artist for 2005? Stephen Speaks
What did you want and get? The movie "Independence Day" from my incredibly good-looking brothers :-)
What was your favorite film of this year? Pride and Prejudice
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Well...on the actual day I went to class, did homework, babysat and tutored. But my mom via my roommate threw me a surprise party the night before. Oh, and I turned 19. It's been a good age so far.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Funny how my last year's answer works again this year: "Deeper faith in God and His perfect control"
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Skirts and flip-flops. My mom would groan whenever I went shopping and brought home yet another skirt, but I love them!
What kept you sane? Faith in God's sovereignty
What political issue stirred you the most? The Iraq war and the death of Terry Schaivo and the constant struggle with what to do in Skid Row in LA
Who did you miss? Everyone in Bellingham
Who was the best new person you met? I met too many awesome new friends to choose
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: I am a horribly selfish person who lives for my own desires, but I ought to live a life abandoned to service
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "It's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive"--Reliant K

A Mystery

So, good readers, I put up a hits counter in the wee hours of this morning, and have recieved 36 hits. Since I've only visited four times at the most, I am completely mystified as to how I got 32 other hits. Anyone care to enlighten me? According to the comment evidence, the only person to stop by was Amy. Or maybe I haven't said anything worth commenting? Any assistance in the solvation (yes, that's a word, I just made it one) of this mystery would be much appreciated. :-)

Perspective

This is no ordinary day, no ordinary life I'm living
This is no ordinary day, no ordinary life I'm living
For You appear to me in the ordinary
....
You love these things that most would despise
That's not very ordinary --Late Tuesday

Places...

The other day I was filling out yet another "about me" form, an exercise which can be quite frustrating for someone to whom words are important (me). How can I fit my soul into the confines of a tiny black and white box? If I wrote forever, I still would feel like I hadn't accomplished it. So each new "about me" holds a small portion of my soul and, were you to put them all together, you might get a glimpse...

This one asked for some of my favorite things/places/food/whatever. The favorite places one really got me thinking, and this is part of what I wrote:

"Places full of life and love...and places needing life and love..."

Images crowd in for both. Home, church, friends' houses, Barkley Starbucks, etc--full of life and love, and for that I appreciate and love them. Yet the second thought strikes more poignantly.

Tonight, after Skid Row, we drove back the slow way. Through LA, into Hollywood, up Sunset Boulevard, down Santa Monica...can your heart break for a place? Because I think mine did tonight. This whole city, so vast and needy, thinking that it is full of life and love, yet seeking so desperately for it at the same time. The life it offers sparkles while it is far off, but close up shows its true gruesomeness. The love it offers turns out to be not love at all, but power and position and lust and jealousy and a thousand uglinesses. If only they could see how close the true love and life is! But their eyes are so blind to all save their seeking...they don't see the cure. And it's terrible yet majestic in this glimpse given of God's justice and holiness. And, tonight, my heart aches for LA.

"the sweet sad scent of roses is strong on the air tonight" --me

Stream of [My] Consciousness

It's finally raining and it's so delicious! It makes me wish for home more--but there snow, not rain, may await. Only two weeks until I fly home!

Two weeks...and so much to be done. Tests, papers, projects, parties, meetings, packing, phonecalls, babysitting, tutoring, shopping, cleaning, spending some time with friends, going to one more concert, playing in the championship flag football game, going to Skid Row, somehow finding time to sleep and eat...I'm worn out just thinking about it all. Oh well, "I'll sleep when I'm dead," right?

Right now I'm in Amanda's room. We were going to watch a movie, but that never happened. Now I'm getting a familiar rumbling in my stomach and making plans to go to Subway with my roommate. This evening we're going to watch Pride and Prejudice with her boyfriend and maybe Aaron. I've only heard good reviews of the movie, so I'm looking forward to it. My last birthday fling before settling into the finals grind. :-)

So Thankful...

...for everything!

I've been finding myself more and more overwhelmed with God's grace towards me. I know this is something that should happen every minute, but I realize that I have never experienced it so deeply before now. I am grateful for His grand redemption. "You were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from from your forefathers...with the precious blood of Christ." 1 Peter 1:18-19

The walk to the dorm from dinner has become a precious time of reflection for me. I am grateful for the stars and the solitude and for the ever-present feeling of God's care. "For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand." Isaiah 41:13

College is a scary time--because of the stress, because of discovering truths you hadn't realized before, because of decisions that will last the rest of your life, because of the independence which sometimes feels oddly like loneliness. I am grateful that God will always direct my steps. "This God--His way is perfect." Psalm 18:30

Sometimes I get homesick. It's unlike any loneliness I've ever experienced before--but God continues to show Himself strong on my behalf. I am grateful that I never will be truly alone. "Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me." John 16:32

It's such an awesome privilege to be a vessel of God's love to the lost world. Sometimes I am overwhelmed that God would use me. I am grateful for the gospel, and for the opportunities I have to share it. "I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls." 2 Corinthians 12:16

This list could go on and on and on...I have so many spiritual and earthly blessings! Who am I to merit this affection? All I can do is give glory to my generous God. He alone is worthy of all our praise!

"I'm tired of American priorities! Who ever said your children would be safe in the call of God?"

A sermon has never made me cry...before. But John Piper's "Doing Missions When Dying is Gain" changed that. A friend told me it was the best sermon she had ever heard, and I might have to agree. The first time I listened, it was a Sunday night and I decided to alleviate my boredom by listening to this sermon while cleaning my room and writing a letter and doing other little tasks. But soon I found myself sucked in, sitting on my floor, paying rapt attention to my blank computer screen. And I ended up in tears.

Tonight we listened to it again, in small group. This time I took two pages of notes, but I missed so many other things I wanted to write down! It's good you guys, so good! It's been too long since I seriously considered the cost of following Christ, something each of us ought to often do. Amy Carmicheal said, "To any whom the Hand Divine is beckoning: count the cost, for He tells us too, but take your slate to the foot of the Cross and add up the figures there." The cost seems impossible--until you count it in the light of the cross. Than, for some reason, the suffering and danger pales in comparison. And oh! it makes me long for that deeper life, closer with Him, "further up and further in" as C.S. Lewis put it. Counting the cost never scares me away, but pulls me into deeper love for my Savior. For, as Piper put it in his three main points, "the promise is sure, the price (and the means) is suffering, and the prize is satisfying."

I can't tell you all that was said in the sermon, and, even if I could, you couldn't hear the pauses and inflection that bring the message to life. So, I'm pleading with you here, listen to it! Take some time, find a moment, sit down, and follow this link: (http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/desiring_god/) ...listen! OK?

"This mission is gonna be done--you can get on board or cop out and waste your life." -Piper

Abandon your small ambitions...
DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE!!

What Book of the Bible are You?

You are Ephesians.

Which book of the Bible are you?
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Why...

...am I more comfortable on the hard streets of Skid Row than the plush suburbs of the Santa Clarita Valley?

...am I so scared of being alone the rest of my life?

...do I so easily neglect my good resolutions?

...does my heart fear the future?

...don't I trust God more?