A Mystery

So, good readers, I put up a hits counter in the wee hours of this morning, and have recieved 36 hits. Since I've only visited four times at the most, I am completely mystified as to how I got 32 other hits. Anyone care to enlighten me? According to the comment evidence, the only person to stop by was Amy. Or maybe I haven't said anything worth commenting? Any assistance in the solvation (yes, that's a word, I just made it one) of this mystery would be much appreciated. :-)

Perspective

This is no ordinary day, no ordinary life I'm living
This is no ordinary day, no ordinary life I'm living
For You appear to me in the ordinary
....
You love these things that most would despise
That's not very ordinary --Late Tuesday

Places...

The other day I was filling out yet another "about me" form, an exercise which can be quite frustrating for someone to whom words are important (me). How can I fit my soul into the confines of a tiny black and white box? If I wrote forever, I still would feel like I hadn't accomplished it. So each new "about me" holds a small portion of my soul and, were you to put them all together, you might get a glimpse...

This one asked for some of my favorite things/places/food/whatever. The favorite places one really got me thinking, and this is part of what I wrote:

"Places full of life and love...and places needing life and love..."

Images crowd in for both. Home, church, friends' houses, Barkley Starbucks, etc--full of life and love, and for that I appreciate and love them. Yet the second thought strikes more poignantly.

Tonight, after Skid Row, we drove back the slow way. Through LA, into Hollywood, up Sunset Boulevard, down Santa Monica...can your heart break for a place? Because I think mine did tonight. This whole city, so vast and needy, thinking that it is full of life and love, yet seeking so desperately for it at the same time. The life it offers sparkles while it is far off, but close up shows its true gruesomeness. The love it offers turns out to be not love at all, but power and position and lust and jealousy and a thousand uglinesses. If only they could see how close the true love and life is! But their eyes are so blind to all save their seeking...they don't see the cure. And it's terrible yet majestic in this glimpse given of God's justice and holiness. And, tonight, my heart aches for LA.

"the sweet sad scent of roses is strong on the air tonight" --me

Stream of [My] Consciousness

It's finally raining and it's so delicious! It makes me wish for home more--but there snow, not rain, may await. Only two weeks until I fly home!

Two weeks...and so much to be done. Tests, papers, projects, parties, meetings, packing, phonecalls, babysitting, tutoring, shopping, cleaning, spending some time with friends, going to one more concert, playing in the championship flag football game, going to Skid Row, somehow finding time to sleep and eat...I'm worn out just thinking about it all. Oh well, "I'll sleep when I'm dead," right?

Right now I'm in Amanda's room. We were going to watch a movie, but that never happened. Now I'm getting a familiar rumbling in my stomach and making plans to go to Subway with my roommate. This evening we're going to watch Pride and Prejudice with her boyfriend and maybe Aaron. I've only heard good reviews of the movie, so I'm looking forward to it. My last birthday fling before settling into the finals grind. :-)

So Thankful...

...for everything!

I've been finding myself more and more overwhelmed with God's grace towards me. I know this is something that should happen every minute, but I realize that I have never experienced it so deeply before now. I am grateful for His grand redemption. "You were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from from your forefathers...with the precious blood of Christ." 1 Peter 1:18-19

The walk to the dorm from dinner has become a precious time of reflection for me. I am grateful for the stars and the solitude and for the ever-present feeling of God's care. "For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand." Isaiah 41:13

College is a scary time--because of the stress, because of discovering truths you hadn't realized before, because of decisions that will last the rest of your life, because of the independence which sometimes feels oddly like loneliness. I am grateful that God will always direct my steps. "This God--His way is perfect." Psalm 18:30

Sometimes I get homesick. It's unlike any loneliness I've ever experienced before--but God continues to show Himself strong on my behalf. I am grateful that I never will be truly alone. "Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me." John 16:32

It's such an awesome privilege to be a vessel of God's love to the lost world. Sometimes I am overwhelmed that God would use me. I am grateful for the gospel, and for the opportunities I have to share it. "I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls." 2 Corinthians 12:16

This list could go on and on and on...I have so many spiritual and earthly blessings! Who am I to merit this affection? All I can do is give glory to my generous God. He alone is worthy of all our praise!

"I'm tired of American priorities! Who ever said your children would be safe in the call of God?"

A sermon has never made me cry...before. But John Piper's "Doing Missions When Dying is Gain" changed that. A friend told me it was the best sermon she had ever heard, and I might have to agree. The first time I listened, it was a Sunday night and I decided to alleviate my boredom by listening to this sermon while cleaning my room and writing a letter and doing other little tasks. But soon I found myself sucked in, sitting on my floor, paying rapt attention to my blank computer screen. And I ended up in tears.

Tonight we listened to it again, in small group. This time I took two pages of notes, but I missed so many other things I wanted to write down! It's good you guys, so good! It's been too long since I seriously considered the cost of following Christ, something each of us ought to often do. Amy Carmicheal said, "To any whom the Hand Divine is beckoning: count the cost, for He tells us too, but take your slate to the foot of the Cross and add up the figures there." The cost seems impossible--until you count it in the light of the cross. Than, for some reason, the suffering and danger pales in comparison. And oh! it makes me long for that deeper life, closer with Him, "further up and further in" as C.S. Lewis put it. Counting the cost never scares me away, but pulls me into deeper love for my Savior. For, as Piper put it in his three main points, "the promise is sure, the price (and the means) is suffering, and the prize is satisfying."

I can't tell you all that was said in the sermon, and, even if I could, you couldn't hear the pauses and inflection that bring the message to life. So, I'm pleading with you here, listen to it! Take some time, find a moment, sit down, and follow this link: (http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/desiring_god/) ...listen! OK?

"This mission is gonna be done--you can get on board or cop out and waste your life." -Piper

Abandon your small ambitions...
DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE!!

What Book of the Bible are You?

You are Ephesians.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by

Why...

...am I more comfortable on the hard streets of Skid Row than the plush suburbs of the Santa Clarita Valley?

...am I so scared of being alone the rest of my life?

...do I so easily neglect my good resolutions?

...does my heart fear the future?

...don't I trust God more?

Googlisms

Googlism for: jillian

jillian is a photographer
jillian is great
jillian is just beginning to suspect that things in her shadow are not quite what they seem
jillian is very open to new ideas so don't hesitate to ask
jillian is "who will we get who can follow her next year?"
jillian is not exactly the tame little mouse he's expecting
jillian is the only woman among many men
jillian is worried
jillian is a friendly little girl
jillian is a senior yoga instructor at yoga zone
jillian is a 25 foot fiberglass lobster style fishing boat
jillian is in a fight for her life
jillian is like coming full circle
jillian is no stranger to the stage
jillian is alone at the beach house playing solitaire and listening to music
jillian is able to read lips and decodes their conversation for the fbi
jillian is that she's the only one
jillian is one in a million
jillian is disturbed when a patient is brought in with an ingrowing toenail
jillian is busy with her life as a school teacher
jillian is a three
jillian is weatherbabe for fox 11 morning news and good day la
jillian is also the assistant captain of the local girls hockey team in port saunders called the "hockey chicks"
jillian is innocent of more than murder
jillian is a penniless innocent all alone
jillian is all about life
jillian is assaulted and nearly killed
jillian is finishing off a masters degree in teaching
jillian is versatile enough to wear as an everyday bag or it can be reserved for a special evening purse depending on the fabric that you choose
jillian is a spinster of 21 and his parents are desperate
jillian is really renee coulombe
jillian is seeking her son
jillian is our artist in residence
jillian is an eleven year old girl in sixth grade
jillian is truly an angel sent to us from god
jillian is being sought by fbi special agent alex cruz as a potential witness to two other murders
jillian is a dream come true
jillian is pregnant with twins

Googlism is a website where you can find out what Google thinks of you...which of these would you say are really true? I like "jillian is innocent of more than murder"--it sounds like a great beginning for a story, don't you think?