it's been long and hard. the first night in tulsa caitlin and i went outside for a debriefing and unwinding walk. and we were immediately struck by the way the night air here feels like having a breakdown. i think it's because i've sat in so many oklahoma summer nights and broken to pieces.
it came earlier this year, though. last year it wasn't until july that i completely broke apart, that i found corners of the church to collapse in during small breaks. this year i had two afternoons in the second week where i felt like i simply couldn't go on.
and you know, it's been just what i needed. i prayed yesterday, God help us to come to the end of ourselves and not to fall apart, but instead to trust You there. that's what i need--to see that it's only God in me that can make anything happen.
so yes, i'm bone-tired. yes, my voice is leaving me more often than not. yes, there are times i sit in my classroom and think there's no way i can face the clean-up that needs to be done before the next event which starts in forty-five minutes. but my Redeemer is faithful and true. it says in isaiah that those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength. He proves that to be true every morning when my alarm goes off. He proves it to be true every time another getAHEAD starts. He proves it to be true every time i want to sleep but need to study tomorrow's Bible lesson for another hour.
He's holding me up. i can't do this at all. but He is so strong on my behalf. it says in hebrews 11 of the people of faith that they were made strong out of weakness. i'm growing in faith and He increases His strength in me.