Today is the perfect sort of day for lighting a candle, making some tea, and curling up in a big chair by a fire with a good book. Sadly, the only part of that I have right now is the tea. Candles and any sort of fire are rather frowned upon in a dorm room. And time for reading good books is scarce around here.
For some reason, my heart feels a pleasant sense of melancholy tonight. To paraphrase Anne Shirley, it's a delicate shade of blue. I think this is a good thing. I'm not sad to the point of depression, just quiet and contemplative. It's good to be quiet sometimes, good to have a quiet minute to just sit and think. I learn things about myself in quiet and solitude.
God has been stretching this soul lately. I am clinging to the knowledge that He knows perfectly how far to stretch it for my good and for His glory. (I cringed writing that phrase. It's so cliche--but also so true!) I am in awe of His delicate personal care for me. I am in awe that He stoops to care for this soul, to place it lovingly in the flames and watch until He can see His reflection. Isn't it incredible that we could be His reflection? What an amazing thing He has entrusted to us! Why do I so often take this whole precious gift of being a little Christ so flippantly?
Even in the middle of all this stretching and heating, there are moments of glad relief. I got an email from Natalie the other day about the Lummi club. The timing could not have been more perfect. It was one of those nights where the homework had nearly done me in, and my soul was much darker than a delicate shade of blue. I was ready to give up on many things when I got the email. I had told her that my summer plans were quite up in the air (which they still are), and she told the kids at the club to pray that I would make wise decision. Mikey, the troublesome one (read: a five year old boy who isn't keen on sitting through stories for an hour), told Natalie that I had to come back to Washington and be his teacher! She went on to tell me news of the club...how the kids had grown, changes that had happened in the family...and by the end I was in tears. It was just a little thing, but so often when I was teaching that club I would reach such a point of discouragement--to see those little sorts of results made my heart glad. I realized that I might not see now what God is doing in things I deem pointless, but He always is doing something. Even when I feel that nothing is happening.
We serve an amazing God! (And I can't wait til Heaven when I will have better adjectives and more time to describe Him!)