Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Thoughts on a Rainy Night

Today is the perfect sort of day for lighting a candle, making some tea, and curling up in a big chair by a fire with a good book. Sadly, the only part of that I have right now is the tea. Candles and any sort of fire are rather frowned upon in a dorm room. And time for reading good books is scarce around here.

For some reason, my heart feels a pleasant sense of melancholy tonight. To paraphrase Anne Shirley, it's a delicate shade of blue. I think this is a good thing. I'm not sad to the point of depression, just quiet and contemplative. It's good to be quiet sometimes, good to have a quiet minute to just sit and think. I learn things about myself in quiet and solitude.

God has been stretching this soul lately. I am clinging to the knowledge that He knows perfectly how far to stretch it for my good and for His glory. (I cringed writing that phrase. It's so cliche--but also so true!) I am in awe of His delicate personal care for me. I am in awe that He stoops to care for this soul, to place it lovingly in the flames and watch until He can see His reflection. Isn't it incredible that we could be His reflection? What an amazing thing He has entrusted to us! Why do I so often take this whole precious gift of being a little Christ so flippantly?

Even in the middle of all this stretching and heating, there are moments of glad relief. I got an email from Natalie the other day about the Lummi club. The timing could not have been more perfect. It was one of those nights where the homework had nearly done me in, and my soul was much darker than a delicate shade of blue. I was ready to give up on many things when I got the email. I had told her that my summer plans were quite up in the air (which they still are), and she told the kids at the club to pray that I would make wise decision. Mikey, the troublesome one (read: a five year old boy who isn't keen on sitting through stories for an hour), told Natalie that I had to come back to Washington and be his teacher! She went on to tell me news of the club...how the kids had grown, changes that had happened in the family...and by the end I was in tears. It was just a little thing, but so often when I was teaching that club I would reach such a point of discouragement--to see those little sorts of results made my heart glad. I realized that I might not see now what God is doing in things I deem pointless, but He always is doing something. Even when I feel that nothing is happening.

We serve an amazing God! (And I can't wait til Heaven when I will have better adjectives and more time to describe Him!)


purplecak said...

I totally know what you mean about being in that not depressed, but quiet, contemplative mood. Pensive is my word...and I am often in that mode. And don't worry about the "cliche-ness" about the phrase, "for our good and His glory," because you are right, it is SO TRUE!! He has shown me that so clearly (again) recently and I am so grateful that He does know better than us, and that He does work things for our good. We can rest and be content in that knowledge, and it takes away fear, frustration, anger, etc. To use your theme, keep pressing on sister...the joy will be worth the stretching! Love- Carol

Anonymous said...

I Love you, Jillers! Thanks for the encouragement. You are always in my prayers and I often "storm the gates of heaven in tears" for you and your siblings.


super-cool audge said...

hey jilli!!
i remember the lummi club. they were so cute! especially mikey...even though he was always loud. k bye!!

Kimi said...

Hi Jill! Have you decided about summer yet? Can't wait to hear what your plans are, Luv ya!