God's Provision

OK, so you guys all already know this (I hope), but I just wanted to reaffirm it here: God is AWESOME!!

Went to Andy and Heather's wedding on Saturday. I've been looking forward to it for a long time, but I've also been dreading it. I know that weddings have the tendancy to prey on your emotions, so I'd been really praying that God would give me grace to make it through with my heart intact. I did...and with pizzazz! I danced for so long and had an awesome time with friends.

And then it was over.

And I went home to ponder, reflect, and get very, very near to tears. But God won out! Today as I was in my car listening to yet another country love song, I decided that was enough of that, and I put my newest cd in. It's called "She Must & Shall Go Free" by Derek Webb http://www.derekwebb.com It's a lot about the love story of Christ and the church, and it was exactly what I needed! I am going to do a long post sometime, complete with lyrics and deep thoughts, but I don't have time now. I just wanted to say it again: God is FAITHFUL!!

Back on Track

Hallelujah--Friday at last! This has been a great week, but I'm so glad it's over. Now to buckle down to my big project for the weekend....my President's Scholarship application.

One of the reasons this week has been so awesome is that I made a resolution to really get back into the deep study of the Word. I had been doing just a token reading and then pushing it out of my mind to make room for all of the other facts that need to fit in there. But I realized that this was very detrimental to my spiritual health, and resolved to take more time and really meditate on the truths I learn. I bought a new journal (which is highly motivating for someone who is captivated by paper), and enlisted a friend to ask me if I'm staying in communion with God. And my life has been so fantastically blessed because of it! From simple things, such as having more energy, to the important, like the strength to resist temptation, I have seen my everyday life become better.

When my dad was in highschool, he read his Bible every night. But during the day, he was most definitely not following God's ways. As I contemplated this story, I realized that I was the same way. I read my Bible purely for head knowledge, while throughout the day my life was ruled by self. But God is so faithful to draw me back to Himself. Praise be to His grace that will not let me go!

New (Exciting) Blog!

Hey everyone...just wanted to tell you that Audrey has joined the blogosphere! Check it out at www.aab3.blogspot.com

Procrastination

School has once again started and once again I have a million things to do and once again I don't want to do any of them! Argh! Procrastination is my worst failing when it comes to school and I find myself ending up with more stress because I won't just buckle down and get a head start on my three huge essays that will all be due on the same day. I can already see myself at the end of quarter, walking around campus bleary-eyed with a gargantuan sized coffee in my hands.

Here I am again, doing more procrastinating...anything, ANYTHING to get my mind off the homework I should be doing. "It's not due til Tuesday" the devil on one shoulder keeps telling me. But I know from much experience that if I give in, I can't enjoy the things I have planned to do on this three day weekend. So, *sigh* I'm off to tackle the world of home work.

My Christmas Blessing

I've begun to get a somewhat skeptical attitude towards Christmas. I used to be so excited around Christmastime, but in the last two years I have become jaded about the over-commercialization of Christmas. This year I was really fighting it, trying to always keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas. But it was such a constant struggle.

Finally our Christmas festivities were almost over, and we went to visit extended family near Seattle. I was so tired and didn't join into all the games and fun as much as usual. And I got a new viewpoint, like I was looking at my family from the eyes of an outsider. Sitting back and simply observing, I realized what a great gift family is. There were relations there that we could barely claim as relatives, but all of the people from their various backgrounds came together through the odd gift of family. I curled up in a corner of a couch near the fire and watched cousins, uncles, aunts, siblings, parents, and grandparents discuss many things as the kids tumbled everywhere. We talked about theological issues, philosophical issues, and who the various babies looked like.

I've felt kind of lost at times as the oldest child of the fourth living generation of our family...almost as if I was lost between generations. Some of the cousins in my dad's age group are only 7 or 8 years older than me, and the three next youngest to me are all my siblings. But I realized that, no matter how "lost" I sometimes felt, all of these people love me so much more than any other people in the world, and will continue to do so. Friends may come and go, but family...you're stuck with them forever. What a blessing!

Reflections on 2004

• What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? Got pulled over by a cop (no ticket, thankfully!)
• Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? The story behind my New Year’s resolution is a weird one, and the resolution itself was rather lame because it was fulfilled at about 12:38 a.m. on January 1st. I am planning on making a better one next year.
• Did anyone close to you give birth? No
• Did anyone close to you die? Myself…“unless a kernel of wheat falls into the ground and dies…”
• What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Contentment
• What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? December 1st, because it’s the day I became an adult
• What was your biggest achievement of the year? Working as a full-time summer missionary and succeeding in my new atmosphere at the community college.
• What was your biggest failure? Every day I failed miserably, falling completely short of God’s perfect standard. At moments I thought I was succeeding, in God’s eyes I was truly failing. Praise be to His marvelous grace that will not let me go!
• Did you suffer illness or injury? It seems I got sick right exactly at the worst time to be sick every quarter. Something to do with the stress…
• What was the best thing you bought? My cowboy hat!
• Whose behavior merited celebration? My faithfully supportive and encouraging friends and family
• Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My own
• Where did most of your money go? Fixing my car, gas, scrapbooking supplies, clothes, food, gifts, and movies, in that approximate order!
• What did you get really, really, really excited about? Anything I did with my amazing, wonderful friends
• What song will always remind you of 2004? “Dare You to Move” by Switchfoot
• What do you wish you'd done more of? Laughing, learning and loving
• What do you wish you'd done less of? Wanting to cry and not being able to cry
• Did you fall in love in 2004? Deeper every day
• What was the best book you read? The Bible of course, followed by many others tied for second. Of books I read for the first time, probably Desiring God by John Piper
• What was your greatest musical discovery?/new artist for 2004? Big & Rich’s awesome harmonies in “Holy Water”
• What did you want and get? A cd player for my car and more freedom
• What was your favorite film of this year? Spiderman 2
• What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 18, went to a basketball game, and had a surprise birthday in the shop
• What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Deeper faith in God and His perfect control
• How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Jeans, t-shirts, and beginning to lean towards skirts and sweaters. Innumerable coats/sweatshirts and any pair of flip-flops that struck my fancy :-)
• What kept you sane? My God and my family, and some of my friends. The other ones kept me insane, and some did both. :-)
• What political issue stirred you the most? The presidential election, abortion and gay marriage
• Who did you miss? Different people at different times
• Who was the best new person you met? The best completely new person was Jenny Harley, but I also enjoyed renewing old friendships with Jessica Quimby and my “Prom Friends” (as my siblings call them)
• Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: God knows all my moments--past, present and future--and loves me immeasurably. He wants me to be holy and happy, two things which are NOT mutually exclusive. Only through following His perfect way am I truly happy.
• Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: “I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life!” Daryl Worley

So Girlie

Today I get to babysit the Parks! I am so excited! I love these kids and told the Parks that I am more than willing to adopt them if anything should ever happen. For some reason, when I am babysitting them, I just feel right. I've even babysat them for extended periods of time (like over a weekend) and still wasn't tired of it.

One of the reasons I love babysitting them is because they are already developing great character even at 6, 4, and 2. Their parents have been training them in God's ways from birth, and it shines through. No, they're not perfect, but they are so much sweeter, well-behaved, and polite than the products of non-Christian homes that I sit for. Already the Parks kids are being trained in the Biblical roles of men and women. Last week they came over to our house and we played many games with them. One of them was Polly Pockets, but after a couple of minutes Job looked up at us and asked "Is this...very girlie?"

"Well, sort of," Lydia replied. Job wandered off, in search of a less "girlie" pursuit.

Lona, however, giggled to herself and said, "It's girlie!" as a pleased grin spread across her face.

Job and Isaac turned to playing superheroes, and eventually returned to where Lona was. Job began to use his "superpowers" to render her immobile, but Isaac stopped him. "Job!" he said. "We're not supposed to attack Lona, we're supposed to protect her!" What a change from my feministic college courses where we discussed gender influence on children and the policy of giving a child (whether boy or girl) a doll and a car for Christmas. No such politically correct nonsense is going on in the Parks household!

Country Girl in the Big City

I love living in the country. The scenery, the freedom to take long, wandering walks through fields and woods, and the open spaces all are reasons I am glad we live on one acre right between all the major towns in our county. I love that we live on a tree-lined gravel road, and that about twenty dogs and numerous other animals live on this short, dead-end road of 11 houses. I love how the air smells and how all the neighbors grumble when an unsuspecting visitor goes 30 down the road. I am so glad we live out here!

And yet at times I think that I am not a true country girl because of how I love my occasional expeditions into the city. Yesterday I took the train to Seattle with my mom and my two youngest siblings, and I had so much fun! The supposed goal of our trip was some christmas shopping, but we really didn't get much of that done at all. I spent too much time marveling at the sights and sounds to realize that I had shopping to do.

In Seattle, we used public transportation four times, which is four times more than I use it in a typical year! The bus is still something that scares me, and it is one of the reasons I want to take my car to college. But we survived our bus trips, and we even survived walking around downtown Seattle. My favorite part was when we left the mall and major retail area of downtown, and walked a few blocks to Pike Place Market. There was a string quartet made up of college students who were absolutely wonderful! I could have listened to them for such a long time...but there were others in the group than me and I had to leave after they'd played 2 songs.

When I'm on adventures, the artist in me comes to the forefront. I kept finding perfect photos or paintings...in the arrangement of produce at a stand, in how a tree touched the sky, in old little alleys and in the people around me. Oh, how I wished I had brought a camera! Or even someone who could share that simple beauty with me; my siblings were too busy with other things and just looked at me funny when I would say, "Isn't that cool?!?" If you've ever read and understood Wordsworth's poem "Tinturn Abbey," you know what I mean when I say that "in this moment there is life and food for future years."

The Newest Bard(s)

"Jill, you do something crazy every day," my little brother once told me, and it's true! You can never tell what sort of crazy thing I am going to do next.

Yesterday was my last day of school for the quarter! My mom took me out to Mexican food to celebrate and then we went to The College Store in Sehome Village to see if one of the books I need for next quarter was there. It wasn't, and neither was the book my mom was looking for, but I did find the coolest thing I've bought for myself in recent history.

The College Store had an entire shelf of Magnetic Poetry, which are those individual magnetic words you string together to form crazy and random, deep and wise, or just plain interesting sentences. After much deliberation, I chose the Shakepeare version because there are such interesting words in it, and you get to use "thee" and "thou."

Jacob, Lydia and I were all really excited about it and immediately went home and cleared of the top half of our fridge. When Caleb and Audrey got home from school, we were crowded around our fridge, pondering what words of wisdom and nonsense we could form. They both gave us odd looks, and Caleb said one of his characteristic comments about how strange I am. I always tell him it's for his own good. His life would be so dull without me! At least that's what think. He seems to think it would be more sane.

But I digress.

Eventually we had created many gems, and I wanted to share some of the best (& worst) here.

methinks I am drunk (Lydia)

maiden discontent & melancholy thou art lazy (Lydia w/a little input from me)

what manner of grace hath woo'd her (Me)

why dost every belch make woman say farewell (Unknown)

a bosom friend always gives light in ghostly night (Audrey)

"Apostle to the Skeptics" and Refreshment to my Faith

Amidst all the insanity of finals week, I have been doing something equally insane. I checked out two C.S. Lewis books from our school library and am attempting to read them before they are due back at the end of the quarter. One is finished, and I am about halfway through the other. My study time has suffered, my sleep time has suffered, but my mind and soul have been so richly blessed!

I love reading C.S. Lewis because he writes the type of books that I cannot just breeze through; I have to take my time and digest each sentence. And because it takes longer, I get much more out of it. He is the type of author who makes me go "huh?" and shows me how my faith makes sense. I never saw Christianity as so beautifully logical before I began reading his books. I also never saw it as so full of joy and beauty.

I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for joy. C. S. Lewis

The beautiful logic that I see has encouraged my faith and given me boldness. My faith is not simply blind faith; God has left incredible evidence for His existence, "so that men are without excuse."

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning. C. S. Lewis

And I have even learned things about my writing.

Don't say it was "delightful"; make us say "delightful" when we've read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are only like saying to your readers "Please will you do the job for me." C. S. Lewis

His fiction (The Space Trilogy, Chronicles of Narnia, Til We Have Faces) can send chills down my back and transport me to worlds I never knew I always imagined. His satire (The Screwtape Letters) can make me laugh...and then ponder my life and sins. No, he's not perfect, and no, I don't agree with every idea. But I have learned so much about my God and my faith that all the wasted sleep and lost study time are worth it.