I've been in that awful state of coming close to tears but never exactly crying too much lately. It's hit me again that things won't be the same again.
Life is never the same for a very long time, but the changes that I am approaching are the most radical ones I have ever faced. To move thousands of miles away from my friends and family--all that I hold dear and familiar--will be such a different experience. The other day I just realized "this is my last February in my house, in my room, in my familiar state of being." Even if I do move back to Bellingham, I probably won't move back home.
This "striking out into the unknown" terrifies and thrills me. Growing up is so strange...I always thought I wanted to do it, but now that I'm actually here, I don't want to grow up more. Eighteen is a fine age, thank you very much. But then I remember how much I wanted to stay seventeen, and sixteen before that...and I wonder if growing up really is wonderful after all. The comfort of the familiar has such a pull, but so does the thrill of the unknown.
What a comfort to have a sovereign God who knows all that is ahead when the road looks dark before me. What a blessing to know Him who sees even the tears I don't cry. My future need not be terrifying with such a loving Friend and Savior by my side.