if you read this,
even if i don't speak to you often,
you must post a memory of me.
it can be anything, good or bad,
just so long as it happened,
then post this to your journal and see what people remember about you
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
A Confusing Education
I am so glad that I am a Christian. If I didn't have the firm foundation from my parents and church, I am positive that I would be so messed up right now. Ideas of all sorts come at me from every direction in my classes that I would be lost and confused if I didn't have that things I know to be true to compare these ideas too.
The main reason this is on my mind is because I've been thinking about all the classes I have ever taken at this college. The ideas that each espouses as true are so contradictory, yet I know people that are alternately sucked in by one or the other. Take, for example, two classes I am taking right now: Social Problems and History of Environmental Ethics (simply because I needed another Honors class). Social Problems is, of course, humanistic at the very core and believes that humans are what really matters in this world, while I sometimes get the feeling in my "environmentalist" class that we humans should really just commit mass suicide so the world wouldn't be as messed up as it is.
I realized this the other day, and had to just laugh. If someone who had no idea what they believed was taking these two classes, what conclusion would they come to? Would they even care or would the confusion just cause them to block the ideas and just strive for a good grade? I really hope to get more than a good GPA out of my college career; I hope that it will teach me about the world and I will have a better understanding of my part and responsibility in it. And, surprisingly, Whatcom has actually helped with this. It's gotten me to think about things that I never considered as a homeschooled student. And some of you might be surprised at the conclusions I've come too...there are a couple essays that you might raise some eyebrows at, but they are what I believe, and my closest and most trusted counselors agree with me. Maybe someday I'll share my feminism essay, but that day is not yet. It's still a theory. A theory based on much prayer, Bible reading, counsel, and thinking, but it's still a theory. I have yet to see how well it works...I'll let you know!
The main reason this is on my mind is because I've been thinking about all the classes I have ever taken at this college. The ideas that each espouses as true are so contradictory, yet I know people that are alternately sucked in by one or the other. Take, for example, two classes I am taking right now: Social Problems and History of Environmental Ethics (simply because I needed another Honors class). Social Problems is, of course, humanistic at the very core and believes that humans are what really matters in this world, while I sometimes get the feeling in my "environmentalist" class that we humans should really just commit mass suicide so the world wouldn't be as messed up as it is.
I realized this the other day, and had to just laugh. If someone who had no idea what they believed was taking these two classes, what conclusion would they come to? Would they even care or would the confusion just cause them to block the ideas and just strive for a good grade? I really hope to get more than a good GPA out of my college career; I hope that it will teach me about the world and I will have a better understanding of my part and responsibility in it. And, surprisingly, Whatcom has actually helped with this. It's gotten me to think about things that I never considered as a homeschooled student. And some of you might be surprised at the conclusions I've come too...there are a couple essays that you might raise some eyebrows at, but they are what I believe, and my closest and most trusted counselors agree with me. Maybe someday I'll share my feminism essay, but that day is not yet. It's still a theory. A theory based on much prayer, Bible reading, counsel, and thinking, but it's still a theory. I have yet to see how well it works...I'll let you know!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Not in My Strength
Now I'm terrified.
I've been so looking forward to going to CYIA as a fourth year student. Everything is so familiar and I know all the ins and outs of how things work. I know so many people, all the supervisors and higher-ups support me, and I just really enjoy it even though it's a packed week.
But now that's all changed. I've agreed to be a supervisor. When Natalie asked me, I immediately knew it was something I needed to do because of my internal upheaval. I instantly didn't want to do it, and the only reason was because I thought I couldn't. But I know from past experience at CYIA that His grace is sufficient for me...His power is made perfect in my weakness. After thinking it over, I decided that I should do it just because of my misgivings. I decided not to let my pride get in the way. My pride would only have me do the comfortable things, the things I know I can do. But when I get outside of my comfort zone, that is when God shows Himself magnificently faithful.
So I do have to go to pretraining to learn something new now. I have to learn to be a supervisor. Oh, wow, how I tremble at the thought. But He is faithful and will complete what He has begun in me. Pray that I will always rely on Him and that I will be an awesome supervisor!
I've been so looking forward to going to CYIA as a fourth year student. Everything is so familiar and I know all the ins and outs of how things work. I know so many people, all the supervisors and higher-ups support me, and I just really enjoy it even though it's a packed week.
But now that's all changed. I've agreed to be a supervisor. When Natalie asked me, I immediately knew it was something I needed to do because of my internal upheaval. I instantly didn't want to do it, and the only reason was because I thought I couldn't. But I know from past experience at CYIA that His grace is sufficient for me...His power is made perfect in my weakness. After thinking it over, I decided that I should do it just because of my misgivings. I decided not to let my pride get in the way. My pride would only have me do the comfortable things, the things I know I can do. But when I get outside of my comfort zone, that is when God shows Himself magnificently faithful.
So I do have to go to pretraining to learn something new now. I have to learn to be a supervisor. Oh, wow, how I tremble at the thought. But He is faithful and will complete what He has begun in me. Pray that I will always rely on Him and that I will be an awesome supervisor!
Monday, May 09, 2005
Senior Prom
What do you get when you combine some of my favorite things (friends, pretty clothes, roses, good food, music, dancing, movies, and virgin margaritas) into one long, fun-filled night? Senior Prom!
I had so much fun last year at junior prom that I wanted to go again this year, but as the day got nearer, I began having doubts. It looked like my friends were all going to have dates, I didn't want to be the fifth or seventh wheel or whatever it would have been, and I couldn't find a dress for any price, let alone cheap. But God just made things fall into place so beautifully. It turned out that I had another single girlfriend from WCC going who I could split the price of a couple's ticket with, and I finally found a dress the Monday before prom. I got it at Colima Design, a little dress shop in downtown Ferndale, and she told me if I ever needed another, she could make any dress in any size if I just brought her a picture. And her prices are really reasonable!
The day of prom I went to the Walk for Life and then Lydia and I went Mother's Day shopping, so I was already wiped out by 2:00. I read and tried to nap, and then got my stuff together and drove out to the Sebens. Karin did my hair absolutely beautifully and then put miniature roses that my mom bought me in it. I did my makeup and got dressed there so they could see "the finished product" and then I went to our rendezvous point at Lindsay's.
We took a couple pictures there and then went to Coconut Kenny's for appetizers. Rachel and I went in my car and we had a good time listening to country music and smiling at all the people who stared at us. We got cheese balls and a miniature pizza for appetizers and then went to my house for dinner.
My mom had prepared a wonderful four course dinner for us...everyone was completely amazed. The first course was striped jello (compliments of Mrs. Breakey--that's some GOOD stuff!), the second was a beautiful salad, artisan bread, and butter molded to look like shells, and the third was a choice of Sour Cream Spaghetti or Seafood Lasagne with a side of green beans. By the time dessert came out, we were all too full to hold another bite, so she took it over to Lindsay's where we could have it after the dance. I seriously haven't been hungry ever since though! We had such a good time at dinner, and we ended up being late to the dance because we lingered so long over it.
Daddy let me drive his 2002 Dodge Ram 2500 Cummings Diesel to prom, which made me very happy and Marcie and Danae a little scared! But we had no mishaps and I parked it successfully. When we got there (about 1/2 hour late), no one was dancing, but we soon fixed that. The time seemed to just fly. I was considering about asking what time it was, thinking it was around 11, when the DJ announced that it was the last song. Midnight, you know...time for Cinderella to leave the ball (I tried to leave a shoe behind, but my feet hurt too much). My biggest complaint about prom was the music. The DJ didn't really play the best songs for dancing to because many were in that between-slow-and-fast range where you're not exactly sure what to do. But we just made it up off the tops of our heads and had lots of fun and laughs doing it. :-) My little brother was there taking coats and purses, and he didn't have the highest opinion of the way I was dancing, but not everyone can have the gangsta' moves of Caleb Hazel, now can they? I'm content with my sad lack of "hipness."
Afterward we went briefly to Denny's to continue a tradition started at Junior Prom, and then we went to Lindsay's. We piled about 11 of us into her hot tub, which responded by doing its best imitation of Niagara Falls. We sat in there and talked until I turned into a giant prune, and Lindsay, Chrey and Rachel made us virgin margaritas...which were so good!
Then we went inside and talked some more and a few people left. We decided to watch Phantom of the Opera after awhile, starting with "That's All I Ask of You" and then going back to the beginning. I only watched until "Angel of Music" because I was realizing that I had church in the morning and it was getting terribly late. Reluctantly I left, but I will finish the movie sometime soon!
It was a whirlwind night, and a beautiful memory of senior prom. I'm glad I will have no regrets when I think of what others have experienced during their senior proms. Mine has no unhappy memories...just the way it should be!
I had so much fun last year at junior prom that I wanted to go again this year, but as the day got nearer, I began having doubts. It looked like my friends were all going to have dates, I didn't want to be the fifth or seventh wheel or whatever it would have been, and I couldn't find a dress for any price, let alone cheap. But God just made things fall into place so beautifully. It turned out that I had another single girlfriend from WCC going who I could split the price of a couple's ticket with, and I finally found a dress the Monday before prom. I got it at Colima Design, a little dress shop in downtown Ferndale, and she told me if I ever needed another, she could make any dress in any size if I just brought her a picture. And her prices are really reasonable!
The day of prom I went to the Walk for Life and then Lydia and I went Mother's Day shopping, so I was already wiped out by 2:00. I read and tried to nap, and then got my stuff together and drove out to the Sebens. Karin did my hair absolutely beautifully and then put miniature roses that my mom bought me in it. I did my makeup and got dressed there so they could see "the finished product" and then I went to our rendezvous point at Lindsay's.
We took a couple pictures there and then went to Coconut Kenny's for appetizers. Rachel and I went in my car and we had a good time listening to country music and smiling at all the people who stared at us. We got cheese balls and a miniature pizza for appetizers and then went to my house for dinner.
My mom had prepared a wonderful four course dinner for us...everyone was completely amazed. The first course was striped jello (compliments of Mrs. Breakey--that's some GOOD stuff!), the second was a beautiful salad, artisan bread, and butter molded to look like shells, and the third was a choice of Sour Cream Spaghetti or Seafood Lasagne with a side of green beans. By the time dessert came out, we were all too full to hold another bite, so she took it over to Lindsay's where we could have it after the dance. I seriously haven't been hungry ever since though! We had such a good time at dinner, and we ended up being late to the dance because we lingered so long over it.
Daddy let me drive his 2002 Dodge Ram 2500 Cummings Diesel to prom, which made me very happy and Marcie and Danae a little scared! But we had no mishaps and I parked it successfully. When we got there (about 1/2 hour late), no one was dancing, but we soon fixed that. The time seemed to just fly. I was considering about asking what time it was, thinking it was around 11, when the DJ announced that it was the last song. Midnight, you know...time for Cinderella to leave the ball (I tried to leave a shoe behind, but my feet hurt too much). My biggest complaint about prom was the music. The DJ didn't really play the best songs for dancing to because many were in that between-slow-and-fast range where you're not exactly sure what to do. But we just made it up off the tops of our heads and had lots of fun and laughs doing it. :-) My little brother was there taking coats and purses, and he didn't have the highest opinion of the way I was dancing, but not everyone can have the gangsta' moves of Caleb Hazel, now can they? I'm content with my sad lack of "hipness."
Afterward we went briefly to Denny's to continue a tradition started at Junior Prom, and then we went to Lindsay's. We piled about 11 of us into her hot tub, which responded by doing its best imitation of Niagara Falls. We sat in there and talked until I turned into a giant prune, and Lindsay, Chrey and Rachel made us virgin margaritas...which were so good!
Then we went inside and talked some more and a few people left. We decided to watch Phantom of the Opera after awhile, starting with "That's All I Ask of You" and then going back to the beginning. I only watched until "Angel of Music" because I was realizing that I had church in the morning and it was getting terribly late. Reluctantly I left, but I will finish the movie sometime soon!
It was a whirlwind night, and a beautiful memory of senior prom. I'm glad I will have no regrets when I think of what others have experienced during their senior proms. Mine has no unhappy memories...just the way it should be!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
My Pink Blanket
For me, happiness and comfort is sometimes synonymous with my pink blanket.
Last night, Brittney and I were huddled under it for warmth while attempting to walk to Carol's car. We have this problem with walking in sync, and with distinguishing right from left, so this walk was quite an adventure. (An actual Brittney quote: "No, your FAR left!") As we stumbled madly around, a friend who we were walking with warned us that the blanket was dragging on the ground and in serious danger of getting dirty. But I replied to him, "This blanket has been through so much...it really doesn't care anymore." He simply gave me one of those "you're insane" looks and continued on, but eventually commented again that he felt sorry for the blanket.
But I think there's really no reason for him to be sorry for the blanket. My pink blanket is one of my most prized possessions, but it didn't become that way because it was protected from the dirt of Bender Fields. The reason I love that blanket is because I look at it and see all the memories contained in it.
It used to be Audrey's or Lydia's blanket on their bed, but when they got a new comforter, I took possession of it for extra warmth on winter nights. Since then, it has been used for so many purposes and become something which contains many of my best memories. I'll list a few here.
Last night, Brittney and I were huddled under it for warmth while attempting to walk to Carol's car. We have this problem with walking in sync, and with distinguishing right from left, so this walk was quite an adventure. (An actual Brittney quote: "No, your FAR left!") As we stumbled madly around, a friend who we were walking with warned us that the blanket was dragging on the ground and in serious danger of getting dirty. But I replied to him, "This blanket has been through so much...it really doesn't care anymore." He simply gave me one of those "you're insane" looks and continued on, but eventually commented again that he felt sorry for the blanket.
But I think there's really no reason for him to be sorry for the blanket. My pink blanket is one of my most prized possessions, but it didn't become that way because it was protected from the dirt of Bender Fields. The reason I love that blanket is because I look at it and see all the memories contained in it.
It used to be Audrey's or Lydia's blanket on their bed, but when they got a new comforter, I took possession of it for extra warmth on winter nights. Since then, it has been used for so many purposes and become something which contains many of my best memories. I'll list a few here.
- Tanning and reading with my sisters
- Playing various insane games on the trampoline
- Trying to fly
- Many, many picnics
- Stargazing
- Every church campout
- Football games, cheering on the Trojans
- Watching "The Best of Will Ferrell" on my cousins' dock
- Softball games
- Curled up reading on the couch
- Playing Speed in the trailer with Brittney
- Napping in the sun at the "VanLiew Campout"
- Sleepovers...getting scared out of our wits by imagining noises outside the trailer
- Sitting on the Tennant Lake boardwalk with Brittney, talking, reading our Bibles and dreaming
- Singing and talking around campfires
- Long roadtrips and late-night rides in the car
- Revive girls' Bible study sitting on it
- Sitting in the WCC courtyard with my friends
- Of course, trying to walk huddled underneath
I love how my blanket smells after it's been washed...I dry it in the sun and it smells like a mixture of detergent, fresh air, and sunlight. When I curl up in it, I think of all the fun memories I've made with it, the serious discussions and moments of wild laughter it has seen. I am reminded again of God's grace to me in giving me such wonderful friends and family.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
My Siblings
"The Family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." Emma BombeckI've always said that I wanted to have a lot of kids. People always say to me, "Wow, 5 kids," but for me, it's never been anything to be amazed about. Five seems like a natural number and I can't remember or imagine life as an only child. I have been so blessed to have my four crazy siblings. As I think about leaving in such a short amount of time, I am reminded again of how much these people are seared into my heart, and how I can't imagine life without their presence.
Caleb and I have had a love/hate relationship. Out of all my siblings, he's probably the one I've fought with the most, but this has only served to strengthen our understanding of each other. We've come to the point in our relationship where we no longer have pitched battles in the halls, but instead we go to each other for advice, conversation, and the occasional ride somewhere fun. Because of Caleb, my knowledge of boy's fashion is much more extensive than my knowledge of girl's fashion, and trips to the mall feel weird without going to the Hollister and American Eagle guy's departments. He's fiercely protective of his sisters and checks up on me to make sure I'm keeping my act clean. Even though he's not demonstrative with his love, you can see it through little glimpses of his care for us. He thrives in large social groups, and family conversations are so much duller without Caleb's ready wit and extrovertism.
Audrey is my personal fashion police and chief confidante. She's always ready to tell me if an outfit matches and looks good if I'm willing to ask. (Sometimes she even volunteers the information.) I'm sure that, without her, I will look like quite a mess some days. Many of you reading this post have no idea what I'm talking about because most of my outfits are "Audrey-approved" before I leave the house, but I've come up with some things that have sent her into spasms of horror. :-) Audrey and I have gone on many excursions together, and the best part of these trips is always the time we spend talking in the car. When someone is so close to you that you only have to say one word and they immediately know what you mean, that is a gift from God. She can see right through me every time I pretend things are going differently than they are, and she's always willing to offer a listening ear and a helping hand. We also laugh...a lot! I would say that is one hallmark of all my relationships with my siblings. Laughter is the mortar of our friendships.
Lydia was my baby when we were growing up. Although she's only 4 1/2 years younger than me, it seems I was always packing her around and "mommying" her. It's strange for me now to be able to interact with her on the same level, but it's been an incredible blessing as well. She is such a busy bee...last Saturday Mom and Dad went out for breakfast and left us with instructions to get food for ourselves (translation: cereal). But when I got out of bed, Lydia had made Swedish Pancakes, which are like crepes, for all of us. This is no easy undertaking, but she gamely slaved over a hot stove to make us a delicious breakfast without being asked. She bought a trampoline last summer and is constantly begging us to play on it with her, and she loves to take walks with me and Otis or whoever will join us. She is becoming an amazing babysitter because she has just as much fun playing as the kids do, and she knows how to have fun no matter what we're doing.
Jacob...wow...what do I say about him? He has no inhibitions and simply does whatever he feels is right without caring about peer pressure. He is constantly drawing or writing something new from one of his many imaginary kingdoms of Beanie Babies or superheroes or people. If you've never seen one of his creations, you should ask him sometime. They are so intricately detailed, and the creativity is astounding. I'm sure he must be some kind of genius, I just haven't figured out which kind yet. He is more demonstrative with his love than Caleb; I can hardly be sitting down somewhere at home without him coming up and putting his chin on my shoulder, just wanting to be a part of what I'm doing. One of the greatest things about him is that I'll think I finally have him pegged and then he'll do something completely out of character and mystify me further. He has the habit of asking me random thought-provoking questions and not leaving me alone until I answer them. And of course, he's incredibly funny!
I wouldn't trade one of these people for the world...their many peculiarities and strengths are just what have made me who I am today, and I know that they will continue to sharpen me.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Ever Heard of Jilmil Hazjak?
Jillian Rose Hazel's Aliases |
| Your movie star name: Chips Percy |
| Your fashion designer name is Jillian Paris |
| Your socialite name is Smurfee Bellingham |
| Your fly girl / guy name is J Haz |
| Your detective name is Cat Meridian |
| Your barfly name is Orange Margarita |
| Your soap opera name is Rose Boyer |
| Your rock star name is Chocolate Cheetah |
| Your star wars name is Jilmil Hazjak |
| Your punk rock band name is The Happy Nose |
The'>http://www.blogthings.com/meganames/">The Amazing Meganame Generator
Beautiful. I now demand that each of you call me by one of these names at some time and see if I notice. :-)
Sadly, that's the end of the weird quizzes for the day. I hope y'all had as much fun as I did!
Do I Talk Like a Yankee? Horrors!
Your Linguistic Profile: |
| 70% General American English |
| 15% Upper Midwestern |
| 5% Dixie |
| 5% Midwestern |
| 5% Yankee |
What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
More than you ever wanted to know about me, I'm sure. Today is the day of random blog quizzes in order to relax. I think I'll even do another, just to amuse y'all. (Have to get the 5% dixie in there!)
Um...I was hoping for 18, but...
| You Are 12 Years Old |
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
What Age Do You Act?
Yeah, that's me. So mature. Aren't you proud?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
